do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize