oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
