She's JV to your varsity
if i can run in heels then i can drive
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
