dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
