Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
it's like heaven, but drunker
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
