If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize