ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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