When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
