Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
