This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
