I wannas sexs uuuuu
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
