I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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