I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize