just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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