That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
