I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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