my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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