Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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