I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
