# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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