no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
