Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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