if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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