My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
