dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
