She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
