Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
