Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
