mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
