She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
