...so i touched it.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
