So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
