You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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