i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
