you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
