If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
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