you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize