"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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