so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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