apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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