My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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