so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
