Sry I called you an 8
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
