Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
