drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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