you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
