yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
