Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
