i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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