Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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