3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
