How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
