She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
