I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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