smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize