Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Also, beer. Big fan.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Don't tell me you're on acid again
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
