I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Text me some of your sweat
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
