During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
