You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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