Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
