Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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