after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
