Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
